Wow! My first blog! Let me start off on a bad note, lol. I have been sick for 5 days now. If I'd have to guess, it is some sort of respiratory infection. The trouble is, I was going to go to the doctor but guess what....panic attack on the way. Let me give a brief history about me...
I guess in one form or another I have had anxiety issues. Looking back I can see it now. Back in the 1980s I had an unhealthy fear of nuclear war. One night I heard a jet fly unusually low at our house. I had to turn on the TV to see if something was going on in the news. None of this was more realized until the summer of 1996. My dad had passed away from a year long battle with cancer. He was 79. I was a late child in life. I wasn't born until my dad was about 55. After he died, I had my true full blown panic attack about 4 months later. It was a rush of something that I could not explain. I was in bed trying to go to sleep and suddenly it came on. My heart raced and was skipping beats. My blood pressure was through the roof. I went to my doctor and he told me what it was. It was 1996 and I didn't know what he was talking about. However, I was sent on with meds and all was good.
I am not here to bore you with history so I am going to sum up everything since then....
I got married in May of 1999. I was definitely a late bloomer. I didn't move out of the house until January of 1999. I was all of 27. I graduated college 3 years later in Computer Science. I had some panic attacks here and there. The worst one since my initial one came when I was at the theater watching Star Wars: Attack of the Clones in 2002. No, it had nothing to do with the movie! I was not on any medications for anxiety at the time. I had weened myself off of Zoloft a few months before. I went to my mom's house after that and she decided to get me a Zoloft from my grandmother, 150 Mg. To say the least, I was sick that night. That was the only time I had gone to the ER. Note to self: Do not take a 150 Mg of Zoloft when you are not supposed to.
Well, let's try to catch up. In 2005 my daughter was born. She was born with a cleft lip, something that was not seen in the sonograms. It was no big deal, well, yes it was but in the whole scheme of things, we had a healthy daughter. She would have to go through a couple of surgeries, but she has been a true trooper through them all!
Throughout all of this, I made terrible decisions and it cost me my normal life. I will leave that as is. In 2007 my wife and I divorced. The next year I lost my job and had to foreclose on my house. My ex-wife found happiness and remarried in August of 2008. I finally landed a job in 2009 with a substantial pay decrease.
(to be continued)
